alone never felt so lonely.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
All my life, I've never been away from my family for more than a few days, and even then.. i felt secure with the feeling, that they're only a phone call away. the feeling that they're only a few miles away, and that they'd be home soon. there has been ENOUGH times, that i wished i was out of the house and didnt have to be with all THESE people, MY family. i dont know why this is affecting me so much. maybe the fact that they're about ten thousand miles away from me? maybe the fact that any small movement within this empty house makes such a humongous noise ? maybe im the only one left in my family in this WHOLE country, no relatives what so ever.. nobody i can really count on.. it feels so lonely. i never thought i would miss them so much. i mean sometimes.. just one word. just ONE word, would already get on my nerve. just a few hours ago.. a few words over the phone was enough to make me cry like a baby, it's been proven to me time and again.. you'll never know watchu got til it's gone. not that theyre gone.. for good. thank god... but now i can truly appreciate my siblings.. and the fact that being an only child is REALLY not for me. as much as ive wished TIME AND AGAIN.. that i was an only child.. so i can get EVERYTHING i want.. but now i realize, all i want is my family. my sisters and my brother. my mom and my dad. because even when i practically isolate myself in my room, with the doors closed, i am always comforted with the knowledge that my family is just a few steps away, right on the other side of the wall, or right across the hall. but now.. i have to cross vast lands, and wide oceans just to get to them.. counting on to 6 hours, and i miss them already.. this house is so empty.. so quiet. but i gotta get through this, two weeks.. shouldnt be too bad. there are people who has to LIVE being being lonely.. i wouldnt be able to do that.. im sure i wouldnt... i need my family.. i just cant live without them.. but i gotta get through this.. and i WILL get through this.. thanks to the people God has sent me to keep me company. but i know it wouldnt be the same. yeah sure, i have 3 boxes of fruitopia, a shitload of turon.. and all the food my mom bought me so i wont go hungry.. but this is not enough, not nearly. i need them. i need my family. it's sad that it has to take this separation for me to get to tell them i love them.. when really i should tell them everyday, all the time. but for them, i gotta get through this.. i WILL get through this :)