it just wasnt.
Friday, April 24, 2009
i miss you.
I shouldn't, I know..
but I do. I don't even know how long it's been since the last time I saw you, or talked to you... who says you're even gonna end up reading this ? probably not. I have to admit, I dont miss you because of the way you used to feel for me, but, I miss you, because we don't get to talk anymore, I'm not even sure, do we really dont get to talk? or.. are you just avoiding me. All the times I needed you, to talk, because I would be on the phone, crying my eyes out. you were there. the times when he wasn't. you were there. then feelings, inexplicable, simply complicated feelings, happened. I guess it was mutual, the way I felt just wasnt the same. It wasnt as intense and profound as yours. not nearly as unconditional or forgiving. I knew I felt that way.. but for him. I always thought you knew that too. My fear of complicating things formed right infront of my eyes, in the form of your undying care, for me, and I still didn't see it coming. I should've known. from the way you pulled at my waist, and the way you held me as we read together, it was never going to be the same.
Those feelings, probably more appropriately defined as infatuation, for me at least, are long gone now. but I do miss you. I miss talking to you, and just being able to laugh with you, and tell you stories of the past. I got him and, as hard it is to believe, I never really lost him. Now you have her, she's a nice find, I have to admit. I think you're perfect for each other.
You told me about, someone, someone you wanted, to care for you, love you, and just be with you. For quite some time you believed it was me, and I kept on trying to say, that it might not be, someone else might come along to finish what I've started and fully open you up and she did. she's here. and sincerely from the bottom of my heart. I hope you're happy. that's all I ever really wanted, I told you...
It just wasn't me.